“You’re not obligated to win. You’re obligated to keep trying. To do the best you can do every day.”
–Jason Mraz (American singer-songwriter)

My favorite sportswriter, Jason Gay, wrote a nice piece in the April 17 WSJ on the Rory McIlroy/Justin Rose battle at Augusta National’s Masters Tournament. It was more about Rose’s second-place finish than McIlroy’s victory.

His point: In the way Rose handled the loss, he was actually a winner. He maintained his poise and grace at a time when many people, so focused on McIlroy’s seventeen-years-long chase for a green jacket, forgot that Rose had placed second twice previously.

It’s human nature to hate, or at least regret, coming in second. Our culture focuses on winning. Remember the old tagline on The Wide World of Sports telecast?: “The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat.” We all want to finish first.

As far back as the first century–33 A.D., it’s believed–two of Jesus’ closest disciples, James and John, asked of him that they be seated to his left and right in heaven (Mark 10:35-38). In other words, they wanted the “catbird seats,” and were bold enough to ask for them as Jesus walked toward Jerusalem for his date with the cross. There’s nothing new regarding ego and self-interest.

I’m not saying there’s something wrong with striving to be the best. At heart, we’re still a merit-based society, and those who work hard and have the results to justify it deserve to win. “Shoot for the moon and, if you miss, you’ll still be in the stars” may not be astronomically correct, but it’s not a bad mantra. But what about the person who works just as hard, comes up short, and takes second, or worse? There’s no shame in that.

Of course, we’ve way overreacted, in my opinion, when we adopt the position that everybody gets a trophy. Regardless of how hard you worked, or didn’t, how many practices or games you missed, you still deserve a trophy. What message does that send to our youth? One of our jobs as parents is to teach our children that not everyone wins–there’s only one first-place finish. Encouraging words or a heartfelt hug will do a lot more for a child than an undeserved trophy.

That kind of response also fosters self-esteem and encourages a child to keep working–to keep at whatever he or she is pursuing . . . and it doesn’t just apply to head-to-head competition. Einstein recorded that it took him over twenty-five-hundred tries to invent the incandescent lightbulb. A dozen (and now regretful) literary agents turned down J.K. Rowling’s manuscript of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. Both individuals achieved success and fame despite multiple setbacks.

Jeff Bezos started Amazon by boxing book orders in his garage and carrying them to the post office to mail. Look at his business now. Here in the USA, we refer to that as the “American dream,” a somewhat presumptuous tag for a principle that is found universally.

The little guy or gal makes it big. We love it! Why do you think everyone except fans of the teams they play pulls for the sixty-fourth team in March Madness? Because everyone loves an underdog.

Bottom line: Apply yourself, work hard, be determined, do your best, and be gracious about where you finish. Do that, and you’re a winner, even if you don’t win.

By all appearances, Justin Rose’s folks taught him well . . . and I bet he’s already working on next year’s tournament in Augusta!